Professional Mourner
In parts of China, the Middle East, and even certain Western circles, people are paid to cry at funerals. Loudly. Professional mourners, also called “moirologists,” wail, sob, and sometimes faint dramatically to make the deceased appear more beloved. They charge per performance and sometimes compete for emotional volume.
It’s a job where crocodile tears equal paycheck bonuses. Sure, it’s rooted in tradition—but the idea of sobbing over a stranger while checking your Venmo alert feels like humanity’s weirdest hustle. Add in the occasional demand to improvise poetry mid-cry, and it becomes clear: you’re a grief actor in the strangest theater on Earth.
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