Slap Chop
Celebrity pitchman Vince Offer promised you’d “love his nuts” with the Slap Chop—a countertop guillotine that dices onions, nuts, and veggies when you slap the push-handle. The infomercial’s rapid-fire chopping montage and aggressive slogans (“Stop having a boring tuna!”) made it an instant viral sensation. Bonus: the base pops open so you can toss the chopped goodies straight into your salad, apparently saving days of culinary drudgery.
Yet customers soon learned that frequent slapping turns food into mushy pulp or leaves stubborn chunks stuck under the blades. Cleaning the gadget is its own mini nightmare; bits of onion skin cling to hidden crevices like barnacles. And unlike a chef’s knife, the Slap Chop can’t handle big items—good luck with carrots or apples unless you pre-chop (defeating its purpose). In time it graduated from counter to cupboard to yard sale table, proof that sometimes the only thing getting diced is your patience.
